Slice 3

My cousin had a party today, and she had a young lady reading tarot cards there.  I've never had mine read.  Mostly because I just hate to pay for that type of thing.  I'm too much of a cheapskate, I guess.  Anyhow, I pulled a card that had something to do with letting go of fear.

It's interesting because, lately, I've been thinking more about options.  I've taught for 16 years now, I work in a great school, and yet...  I can't help but fixate on a career I didn't even know existed when I started on my path to teaching.

Certified Nurse Midwifery.  My experience birthing my children made me recognize how strong I truly am.  Was it the most perfect birth ever?  The way you see in natural birth videos?  No, but it proved to me my worthiness for the task ahead.  It gave me the confidence to know I could do more than I'd ever believed I could.

And yet, I hear so many women relating such scary and sad stories.  I guess those birth stories are our war stories, huh?  And it's made me think about how intertwined our emotional worlds are with our physical worlds.

After attending births of friends, I eventually attended training to be a doula (if you don't know, it's a woman who sees to a woman emotionally during a birth, helping the woman and her partner through the process while minimizing fear and discomfort).  Anyhow, I blazed through my training and volunteer births.  And then...I don't know.  There was something hard about charging to attend a birth.  It made me uncomfortable.  So I stalled out.

But I just can't stop thinking about birth.  About helping women to enter motherhood on their own terms whatever those terms may be.  So, this summer, I'll get that web page up, and I'll face the fear of putting myself out there as a doula.

And then, what's next?  I'll make my way toward an RN degree.  I don't know how I could do it without quitting my amazing teaching job, but I'll take it one step at a time.  It's certainly better than standing still.